Author: lrsachs

It’s Like Somebody Dared A Marketing Guru To Make Any POS Cool

Marketing Skeptic: “I bet you can’t make toilet paper hip.”

Marketing Guru: “I can make blood soaked gauze that covers scabs cool!”

Marketing Skeptic: “I dare you!”

Marketing Guru: “Watch me!”

You want to buy it. You don't know what it is but you want to buy it because it looks cool. Admit it!

Admit it. You don’t even know what it is but you want to buy it because the graphics are cool.

Dominating the bandage department

With prices like these, you’ll be slashing your wrists just to use them!

Good copy always makes absolutely no sense.

When you’re ready to blow 10 to 13 dollars on band aids, everything is insane.

Watermelon Color Bumble Bee Halloween Candy Shampoo Yogurt Rice Starch

Much to critique and demolish here … join me!

Fructis Garnier Drink Yogurt Shampoo

#1

I get that the message here is WATERMELON RED fruity healthy upbeat happy. But that shampoo bottle looks a little too much like a yogurt drink, right?

#2

And while they’re throwing COLORS  did anyone stop to think what color represents “Yes” and which “No.” Red/Green = Stop/Go, right? Yes, no? Not really, sorta.
Rice Starch: “Yes AND Green!”
Silicones:”No AND Green!”
Plumping: “Yes AND Red!”
What is Plumping: “Yes!!
Columns to organize information: WTF?! No but YES!!! 

NoMeansYesNoYes

#3

And finally. how did Halloween colors and costumes get mixed up in here? And why is Drew Barrymore wearing a bumble bee costume? Is it Fall already?! Summer’s over???

Drew Bumblbeeee

Store Window Display Task Host Force Restart

The window display of the Loft store at one of the most prominent locations on planet earth, 42nd and Broadway, should make a strong impression.Ground Zero For Shopping NYC

But what is this? It looks … hmm … can’t really see much on display here.

Look in the window ... it's ... nothing!Well now wait a second, there is SOMETHING.

Yes it’s a Windows Error in the Window.

How Can They Be Mommy and Daddy Without Any Children?

SCENE:
A large conference room with COPYWRITERS 1, 2, 3 and 4 and the BOSS, an all-too-typical balding white guy in his 40s, chewing on pistachios. On the table are a whole lot of colored circular sponges with holes in them.

Mommy Is SOOO Clean!

BOSS:
We WILL NOT be just be another spongey cleaning product!? Yeah there’s a smiley face on it but, so what? This calls for a gimmick. Some kinda name, I wanna personalize it.

COPYWRITER 1:
Cleaning Lady!

BOSS:
Nahh … misogynist

COPYWRITER 2:
Buddy Wipe!!

BOSS:
What?! Sounds too much like Butt Wipe

COPYWRITER 3:
Spongy Friend??

BOSS:
Sounds like some old friend who comes by asking for money!

COPYWRITER 4 (the good copywriter)
What about something cute, like Mommy, Daddy. Scrub Mommy, Scrub Daddy…?

BOSS:
NOW YOU’RE TALKIN’!! Why can’t the rest of you be like Copywriter 4 who always nails it!?

And so, Children of Scrub Mommy and Daddy … that’s the story of how your parents came to be. Now, lights out and sweet dreams……

Luckily Lady Gaga Oreos Remind Us Everything Is Just Fine!!

The world may be in terrible shape.
Covid has altered the globe.
The Middle East is a mess.
Our system of democracy is teetering.

But the Oreo Aisle (formerly the “Cookies and Crackers Aisle”) is a Reason To Celebrate.

Oreo Universal Planet Galaxy

And what better way to celebrate than Lady Gaga Oreos?

Gag A Oreo

In case you were wondering what a Lady Gaga Oreo tastes like, there’s some subtle indications on the package.

Inspired by pink cookie green cream whatever the hell

Why of course! It’s inspired by … uh … is that a clump of pubic hair? What the hell is that saying. OH SURE! Gaga’s latest album or concert or cause or song or video or dress or cookie … Chromatica.

Make it sound less appetizing please

And what does Chromatica spelled with pubic hair taste like? Pink colored golden green creme stuff cookie thing crap. Say it with me now:

LADY GAG HURL!

 

I Want To Kill Something. Do I Need A Squad Or A Hunter?

From 2 competing direct-mail pieces doing the same damned thing arriving on the same damned day:

MOSQUITO HUNTERS

Hunters Kill ... leave the kids and dog aloneSquads can kill and are more of a team and not has deadly. Lighten up!

VERSUS

MOSQUITO SQUAD

The only good mosquito hunter is a dead mosquito hunter

The only bad mosquito is a live mosquito

Okay, so Mosquito Hunter has a nice sorta Nigel Thornberry (Of the Wild Thornberry’s cartoon) vibe.

Safari Hunter Dude with Australian bush hat

But, really, he’s kinda holding the mosquito like a pet.

Then again, he’s about to crush the bastard.

Why does the Mosquito have a sorta Dracula-ish helmet haircut thing goin?

Squad Guy is a little hipper and a more contemporary feel.

But then … are those … Man Boobs?

Prominent in the Squad piece is … dead bugs. Kinda dark huh?

The only dead bug is a good bug

Whereas the Hunter has a more positive, ethnically-diverse, animal-friendly feeling happening.

You know what though? They are both White Men carrying weapons. The whole thing is a disgrace and I don’t want to have anything to do with them.

Let the Mosquitos take over!