Just Shut Up You Stupid Salad

The salad doesn’t need a spokesperson. The salad doesn’t even need to speak. 

Just Shut Up Salad

This is copy for copy’s sake. Ya can’t just put a picture of a salad out there and say, “Look at this nice salad.”

Where’s the attitude? Where’s the word play? Where’s the sizzle

(Actually, there shouldn’t be ‘sizzle’ because this is salad and nobody wants their salad sizzling.) 

One picture is worth a thousand calories. One salad is worth … well, whatever they charge for all the toppings, plus tax …  and you’ll need a drink so it’s probably about 13 bucks.

Eggspensive Toppings
eggspensive toppings

Ya need some words that say something, that speak for the salad. So, really, by virtue of the sign and the copy, you’re speaking for the salad, asshole! The salad DOES need a spokesperson! You’re contradicting yourself, Copywriter!!

But can we blame the copywriter? She probably was so sick and tired of coming up with stuff to say about salad she figured she’d do the old switcheroo on us and let the salad do the talking. And, the poor copywriter works for a company called … JUST SALAD!

Just Salad Is All This Is

So really, this is a cry for help from the copywriter. This is basically the copywriter pleading with the world …

DON’T MAKE ME WRITE MORE COPY ABOUT SALAD!!  I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

And then she reasoned:

I know what to do!!

I will put words in the salad’s mouth.

And you will put the salad on your mouth.

Maybe that was the first draft of this ad. But then the Creative Director looked at it and said,

What the fuck are you talking about? Have you lost your fucking mind?! Now go back and write some proper copy! 

But she couldn’t let go of the talking salad idea. And needed to play it out. And that’s how we wound up with this dreck. By the way, the salad sign is on a thing we call a sandwich board. (more fucked up nonsense).

Salad and Sandwich Board

Oh and what’s with their logo? Why does it look like some kind of diaper or something?

Diaper Salad

Diaper Salad Bowl Poopie

Diaper salad.

When Your World Is Reduced To A Glass Ball

Marketing Madness sometimes happens when an agency has a copy concept or a visual idea but they just don’t have both at the same time.

What to  do?

The World Is A Globe Of CBD

You just mash ’em together and h0pe for the best!

What the hell?! The person reading this is a fucking wreck, needs something to calm down and isn’t gonna care whether the visuals match the copy or vice versa.

So what if it’s a sunny day at the beach and you have a hand model with some funky jewelry holding a globe?? Make the words “upside down” upside down!

Like A Little Kid With A Magnifying Glass Burning Ants

But is she gonna get seared where the globe has focused the sun?

Look At My Face On The Side Of A Building With Rectanguler Holes In My Head!!

Got this mailer for one of those financial advisors offering a webinar to help with retirement. I ask you: Why would I give my money to a guy who has gaping rectangular holes in his head!? WHY!?!?

Naz Dick Nas Dick Head

Yes, yes we know it’s supposed to be the Nasdaq building in Times Square.

640px-NYC_-_Midtown_Manhattan_–_Times_Square_–_Broadway_by_night_-_panoramio_(2)

But it is also your face on a building with GAPING RECTANGULAR HOLES IN YOUR HEAD!!

 

 

Actual Dialogue From Catalogue Photo Shoot

This was actual dialogue recorded from the photoshoot for the 2011 Spring/Summer Uline catalogue photoshoot:

This is a model beaver

Fred: “Find somethin’ heavy to put in front of the  wood crates. This is goin’ on the cover.”

Phil: “Huh?  Ahh…throw a cinder block in there!”

Fred: “Cinder block!?  Find something nice!”

Phil: “Nice?!  Who cares!!  Just put anything there!”

Fred: “Hey what about this beaver!!”

Phil: “BEAVER?!”  

Fred: “You said, ‘Anything!!'”

 

Dead Man Shaving


 

The B&W photo.

Just the neck and the nose.

The cryptic headline.

This isn’t an ad for a shave.  This mob guy is about to get his throat slit.

 


deadmanShave