SHHH!! They’ll Never Know We’re Not Whole Foods!

I wonder if the owner of this bodega on the Lower East Side was like:

“What the hell? If we get just a few more customers wandering in because they think we’re Whole Foods, it’ll be worth getting the name.”

Whole Sorta Like Foods Almost

And, that children, is how The Wholesome Foods Bodega got its name! Okay, everybody night night!!

Luckily Lady Gaga Oreos Remind Us Everything Is Just Fine!!

The world may be in terrible shape.
Covid has altered the globe.
The Middle East is a mess.
Our system of democracy is teetering.

But the Oreo Aisle (formerly the “Cookies and Crackers Aisle”) is a Reason To Celebrate.

Oreo Universal Planet Galaxy

And what better way to celebrate than Lady Gaga Oreos?

Gag A Oreo

In case you were wondering what a Lady Gaga Oreo tastes like, there’s some subtle indications on the package.

Inspired by pink cookie green cream whatever the hell

Why of course! It’s inspired by … uh … is that a clump of pubic hair? What the hell is that saying. OH SURE! Gaga’s latest album or concert or cause or song or video or dress or cookie … Chromatica.

Make it sound less appetizing please

And what does Chromatica spelled with pubic hair taste like? Pink colored golden green creme stuff cookie thing crap. Say it with me now:

LADY GAG HURL!

 

Can’t Wait For Albanian Eels Next!

Kids dare each other to lick to dog!I can just hear the ideas bouncing around the JellyBelly conference room:

“We are getting killed … KILLED … by Swedish Fish!”

“Quick! Another animal. From another place.”

“Tallahasee Pigs?”

“Nah!”

“Siberian Buffalo?”

“What?!”

“Scottie Dogs”

“Now you’re talking!!”

And Children, THAT’S the true story of how Scottie Dogs came to be!!

 

Enticing, Mouth-Watering Words For A Restaurant Website

Restaurants Are BACK!! And what better way to emphasize that than to include links on your website like “Scratch Kitchen,” “Whole Homemade Desserts,” “40 Craft Beers,” and “COVID MITIGATION”

Covid Cheese and Crackers

…and why not further hook those hungry customers so when they click on “COVID MITIGATION” they see more gustatory verbiage, like “Virus Vaporizing”

Virus Vaporizing For Dinner
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Just Repeat, Repeat

From the Copywriting School of Repetition, another example of ridiculous repetition for the sake of repetition, repetition.

We see this so often, it seems normal. It’s not normal.

It’s not even normal, normal.