Tap, Shop, Use Sushi As Parachute … or something…

The illustrator just lost their mind on this one.

Raw Tuna is a parachute

I’m not sure why a piece of sushi should be used as a parachute to promote a shopping delivery service.

Maybe when you get delivery it’s like a giant piece of raw fish falling from the sky with gumdrop clouds floating and let’s not forget the giant lump of white rice all of which could never slow the descent of a person that jumped from a plane.

Sushichute maybe??

General People Mills Food

Ahh… where to go with this?

People Are Food We Make And Then EAT!

Are they saying:

We are making FOOD, PEOPLE?!! Got that?!!

OR

We are manufacturing a special food which is called “Food People”

OR

We are converting food into people

which means…

WE ARE ALL EATING EACH OTHER

The bottom line:
it means NOTHING!!!

People Are Food We Make And Then EAT!

 

Confetti Is SO Not Fun

That’s why we have Funfetti®!!

Smeat This On A CakeStupid colored bits of paper! That’s not fun. That is trash.

This is trash

Give me something branded.
Give me something I can smear on a cake.
And give me something with a registered trademark!

Registered Funfetti

Screw the children!

SHHH!! They’ll Never Know We’re Not Whole Foods!

I wonder if the owner of this bodega on the Lower East Side was like:

“What the hell? If we get just a few more customers wandering in because they think we’re Whole Foods, it’ll be worth getting the name.”

Whole Sorta Like Foods Almost

And, that children, is how The Wholesome Foods Bodega got its name! Okay, everybody night night!!

Luckily Lady Gaga Oreos Remind Us Everything Is Just Fine!!

The world may be in terrible shape.
Covid has altered the globe.
The Middle East is a mess.
Our system of democracy is teetering.

But the Oreo Aisle (formerly the “Cookies and Crackers Aisle”) is a Reason To Celebrate.

Oreo Universal Planet Galaxy

And what better way to celebrate than Lady Gaga Oreos?

Gag A Oreo

In case you were wondering what a Lady Gaga Oreo tastes like, there’s some subtle indications on the package.

Inspired by pink cookie green cream whatever the hell

Why of course! It’s inspired by … uh … is that a clump of pubic hair? What the hell is that saying. OH SURE! Gaga’s latest album or concert or cause or song or video or dress or cookie … Chromatica.

Make it sound less appetizing please

And what does Chromatica spelled with pubic hair taste like? Pink colored golden green creme stuff cookie thing crap. Say it with me now:

LADY GAG HURL!

 

Can’t Wait For Albanian Eels Next!

Kids dare each other to lick to dog!I can just hear the ideas bouncing around the JellyBelly conference room:

“We are getting killed … KILLED … by Swedish Fish!”

“Quick! Another animal. From another place.”

“Tallahasee Pigs?”

“Nah!”

“Siberian Buffalo?”

“What?!”

“Scottie Dogs”

“Now you’re talking!!”

And Children, THAT’S the true story of how Scottie Dogs came to be!!