Category: animals
What Is Sensational To A Bird…
… is not a source of food.
You’re a bird.
You found a source of food.
Is that really sensational or just another day being a bird?
Yes I was in a wild bird food store yesterday and these past 2 entries are from that store. Ya never know where you’ll find marketing madness I tell ya!
Show Me The Suet
When I go into a bird feed store, I expect, nay DEMAND, 5 (FIVE!) different kinds of hot pepper suet.
Not 4, not 3 … don’t even waste my time with 1 or 2.
How Can They Be Mommy and Daddy Without Any Children?
SCENE:
A large conference room with COPYWRITERS 1, 2, 3 and 4 and the BOSS, an all-too-typical balding white guy in his 40s, chewing on pistachios. On the table are a whole lot of colored circular sponges with holes in them.
BOSS:
We WILL NOT be just be another spongey cleaning product!? Yeah there’s a smiley face on it but, so what? This calls for a gimmick. Some kinda name, I wanna personalize it.COPYWRITER 1:
Cleaning Lady!BOSS:
Nahh … misogynistCOPYWRITER 2:
Buddy Wipe!!BOSS:
What?! Sounds too much like Butt WipeCOPYWRITER 3:
Spongy Friend??BOSS:
Sounds like some old friend who comes by asking for money!COPYWRITER 4 (the good copywriter)
What about something cute, like Mommy, Daddy. Scrub Mommy, Scrub Daddy…?BOSS:
NOW YOU’RE TALKIN’!! Why can’t the rest of you be like Copywriter 4 who always nails it!?
And so, Children of Scrub Mommy and Daddy … that’s the story of how your parents came to be. Now, lights out and sweet dreams……
Can’t Wait For Albanian Eels Next!
I can just hear the ideas bouncing around the JellyBelly conference room:
“We are getting killed … KILLED … by Swedish Fish!”
“Quick! Another animal. From another place.”
“Tallahasee Pigs?”
“Nah!”
“Siberian Buffalo?”
“What?!”
“Scottie Dogs”
“Now you’re talking!!”
And Children, THAT’S the true story of how Scottie Dogs came to be!!
Actual Dialogue From Catalogue Photo Shoot
This was actual dialogue recorded from the photoshoot for the 2011 Spring/Summer Uline catalogue photoshoot:
Fred: “Find somethin’ heavy to put in front of the wood crates. This is goin’ on the cover.”
Phil: “Huh? Ahh…throw a cinder block in there!”
Fred: “Cinder block!? Find something nice!”
Phil: “Nice?! Who cares!! Just put anything there!”
Fred: “Hey what about this beaver!!”
Phil: “BEAVER?!”
Fred: “You said, ‘Anything!!'”
Dead Animals. It’s What’s For Dinner
You can always make ’em cute with lots of bright colors. But they are still, and always will be:
Dead animals that we eat.
Run Chicky Run! They’re Gonna Kill You!
As noted before, I’m not a fan of depicting the actual animal in cartoon form in my food marketing. So, although this guy looks happy-ish, he is RUNNING so what does that tell you? Yes, we understand this may be advertising fast food but seriously?
The word play is pretty shoddy too. A better tag line would be:
“More dead animals for your dead presidents”
Cherry Coke – Mandrill Edition
Coca-Cola spends billions on advertising. Maybe even trillions … trust me, it’s a lot of money. So every logo, every package, every piece of copy has been tested, researched, analyzed and designed to flawless diamond precision.
Then what happened here?
We have Cherry Coke, with your prominent cherries falling from a reddish, almost nuclear winter kinda sky. A little weird but okay. Where are we?
Just a bunch of monolithic buildings or structures, ominous, eerie. And way over here in one spot is this … this pattern. Looks like a … huh I dunno … mandrill.
A mandrill. Yeah that’s right. 
Bitch, please…
…take your pills yo
