If You Are Advertising Then You Are Advertising Already

This is sort of a recursive version of that sign near a development off the highway that says, “If you lived here you’d be home by now.”

If you are reading this, then you'd be reading this by now. Or something like that.

But by this logic, if YOU are reading this and your CUSTOMERS are reading this then why don’t you just go talk to your customers who are reading this over your shoulder instead of advertising inside a shopping cart??

Can’t Build Me I’m The Gingerbread House (in a box)!

Can I just eat it and not build it? Eat my house mofo!

Skip the mixing, the rolling pin, the cookie cutter, the oven and the baking and just open the box and EAT the damned crap!

Gingerbread Cottage Cheese!!Yes, nothing goes better with the spicy, sweet flavor of gingerbread than a candy that is so sour it makes you gag and pucker!!

Nerdy Sweet Sour Tart Candy Rotten Teeth Sugar Rush

This sour patch kid looks pissed off because he’s been stuck to the side of a house.

I live in a house sandwiched between two chocolate cookies with cream

Oreo household

Includes Oreo cookies!?! I had NO idea!!!

Show Me The Suet

When I go into a bird feed store, I expect, nay DEMAND, 5 (FIVE!) different kinds of hot pepper suet.

Hotcha chah chah

Not 4, not 3 … don’t even waste my time with 1 or 2.


Manikins Are Not People … Nor Should They Ever Be Treated As Such

I spotted these manikins a few years back and thought: “What the hell? Half-headed, white stylized human figures … something’s not right!” If only I could make a joke out of it.

But then I spotted these creatures …

Real Live, Old School, Childhood Nightmare Manikins and realized ….

“OHH!! The half-headed manikins are weird. But plain, old manikins are absolutely horrifying!”

Contextual Advertising At Its Best

A little old but worth a laugh. One of those fan sites supported by advertising, in this case, QuiBids (another web business of questionable practicality) buys ad space wherever the hell and … lo and behold … with the word “mix” on the site then there’s just a chance someone might be thinking:

“I need a mixer for that cake. Because Drake likes cake. He likes to bake. And take a flake …”  Drake Cake Mix

Oh fuck the cake and Drake and the mixer and elixir and … and ……