When I go into a bird feed store, I expect, nay DEMAND, 5 (FIVE!) different kinds of hot pepper suet.
Not 4, not 3 … don’t even waste my time with 1 or 2.
I spotted these manikins a few years back and thought: “What the hell? Half-headed, white stylized human figures … something’s not right!” If only I could make a joke out of it.
But then I spotted these creatures …
Real Live, Old School, Childhood Nightmare Manikins and realized ….
“OHH!! The half-headed manikins are weird. But plain, old manikins are absolutely horrifying!”
A little old but worth a laugh. One of those fan sites supported by advertising, in this case, QuiBids (another web business of questionable practicality) buys ad space wherever the hell and … lo and behold … with the word “mix” on the site then there’s just a chance someone might be thinking:
“I need a mixer for that cake. Because Drake likes cake. He likes to bake. And take a flake …”
Oh fuck the cake and Drake and the mixer and elixir and … and ……
Oh sure! Just use a basket.
And then what!? Do I walk through the store and, what, just pull things off the shelf and put them in the basket?! And then, when I think I’ve had enough … what?? … I just make my way out of the store!?! And show someone what I picked out!? And they’re going to let me walk the hell out of there and all I have to do is pay for it!!?? Yeah right … SOOO EASY!!
Put these signs up all over the place and think we’re gonna just get sucked right into it. Nope! Not me!
I want difficult shopping! Impossibly complex, painful shopping! No signs telling me what to do. I want to wander aimlessly on my hands and knees, crawling around unable to see a thing, bumping into people’s legs, having heavy cans fall off the shelf onto my head and wind up unconscious and carried out of the store by security. Now THAT’S SHOPPING!!
DON’T BELIEVE THE SIGNS IN STORES PEOPLE!!!!
I love how the random stuff at 7-Eleven that’s not snacks connotes a weird sorta party:
“Guess what we’re doin’ tonight?!? We’ll play cards, roll dice, sing happy birthday, mess with a flashlight and use bug spray!! Happy Birthday!!”