Show Me The Suet

When I go into a bird feed store, I expect, nay DEMAND, 5 (FIVE!) different kinds of hot pepper suet.

Hotcha chah chah

Not 4, not 3 … don’t even waste my time with 1 or 2.

 

Manikins Are Not People … Nor Should They Ever Be Treated As Such

I spotted these manikins a few years back and thought: “What the hell? Half-headed, white stylized human figures … something’s not right!” If only I could make a joke out of it.

But then I spotted these creatures …

Real Live, Old School, Childhood Nightmare Manikins and realized ….

“OHH!! The half-headed manikins are weird. But plain, old manikins are absolutely horrifying!”

Contextual Advertising At Its Best

A little old but worth a laugh. One of those fan sites supported by advertising, in this case, QuiBids (another web business of questionable practicality) buys ad space wherever the hell and … lo and behold … with the word “mix” on the site then there’s just a chance someone might be thinking:

“I need a mixer for that cake. Because Drake likes cake. He likes to bake. And take a flake …”  Drake Cake Mix

Oh fuck the cake and Drake and the mixer and elixir and … and ……

Oh You Think Shopping Is SOOOO Easy!!!

Oh sure! Just use a basket.

Basket Makes Shopping TOO Easy

And then what!? Do I walk through the store and, what, just pull things off the shelf and put them in the basket?! And then, when I think I’ve had enough … what?? … I just make my way out of the store!?! And show someone what I picked out!? And they’re going to let me walk the hell out of there and all I have to do is pay for it!!??  Yeah right … SOOO EASY!!

Put these signs up all over the place and think we’re gonna just get sucked right into it. Nope! Not me!

I want difficult shopping! Impossibly complex, painful shopping! No signs telling me what to do. I want to wander aimlessly on my hands and knees, crawling around unable to see a thing, bumping into people’s legs, having heavy cans fall off the shelf onto my head and wind up unconscious and carried out of the store by security. Now THAT’S SHOPPING!!

DON’T BELIEVE THE SIGNS IN STORES PEOPLE!!!!

 
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