I swear I read it as Ruby Slippers and figured they were just riding on the coattails of the legendary film.
But on the other hand, if they called them “Chair leg condoms” it would just be wrong.
Category: branding
Remember When Beer Tasted Like … Beer??
I wonder if I can go into Dunkin Donuts and order Harpoon Ale flavored donuts??
This is a companion piece to this one about Krispy Kreme-Flavored Smart Food Popcorn
I Wonder If I Can Get Popcorn-Flavored Krispy Kreme Donuts
In the future, everything will taste like everything.
Smart, huh?
Confetti Is SO Not Fun
That’s why we have Funfetti®!!
Stupid colored bits of paper! That’s not fun. That is trash.
Give me something branded.
Give me something I can smear on a cake.
And give me something with a registered trademark!
Screw the children!
Because There Can Only Be ONE Marketing-Focused SaaS Startup With A Cute Primate-Related Name And Mailchimp Wins
This is one of those incredibly important things to a very small number of people who give a shit and something trivial and inconsequential to everyone else on the planet.
I’m so glad I don’t give a shit.
Every Lip Balm Sends A Message
I did an entry about a “Lip Balm Tub” which struck me as just the right combination of one syllable words with the letter “P” or “B” in it to make fun of.
Recently, I found even more examples of this marketing madness and it’s madness: Who knew that putting your brand on something for chapped lips could change the world as we know it. My favorites:
THE TIN!!
THE LANYARD!!
THE CARABINER!!
THE BALLS!!!
THE VARIETY!!
THE ENTIRE COLLECTION
(from Totally Promotional dotcom)
As the great advertiser David Ogilvy once said:
Market to chapped lips and your brand will shine.
If you want to reach back to the origins of this, link below.
The original Lip Balm Tub marketing madness
I Want To Kill Something. Do I Need A Squad Or A Hunter?
From 2 competing direct-mail pieces doing the same damned thing arriving on the same damned day:
MOSQUITO HUNTERS
VERSUS
MOSQUITO SQUAD
Okay, so Mosquito Hunter has a nice sorta Nigel Thornberry (Of the Wild Thornberry’s cartoon) vibe.
But, really, he’s kinda holding the mosquito like a pet.
Then again, he’s about to crush the bastard.
Why does the Mosquito have a sorta Dracula-ish helmet haircut thing goin?
Squad Guy is a little hipper and a more contemporary feel. 
But then … are those … Man Boobs?
Prominent in the Squad piece is … dead bugs. Kinda dark huh?
Whereas the Hunter has a more positive, ethnically-diverse, animal-friendly feeling happening.
You know what though? They are both White Men carrying weapons. The whole thing is a disgrace and I don’t want to have anything to do with them.
Let the Mosquitos take over!
Vitamins, Shmitavins! Highlight The Exotic Ingredient
Roman can only make so much money as yet-another-joint-delivering-Viagra-to-your-door, so why not vitamins? BUT, vitamins are so … A, B, B12, C. And if they list out the ingredients that’s just not as cool with the slick graphics and photos.
Why don’t we list this one really exotic ingredient that does who-the-hell-knows what as the very last one … BOOM!
They’ll buy it! Who wouldn’t?
Did Anybody Ask Nature What SHE Thinks?
Well I talked to Nature and she said:
“I would never drink soda! I can drink ANY mineral water I want since I created them all! At the end of a long day, however, I do love a fine glass of Chevalier-Montrachet La Cabotte Chardonnay.
“Sierra Mist?? I friggin’ created the real mist IN the Sierras!! There’s no sugar in that! In fact, smartypants, the Sierras are not known for mist as the air rarely gets oversaturated with moisture. Just sayin'”
Is This Generic Feelgood Copy On A Wall…
…or THE SOURCE OF ALL TRUTH!!??
