… when an ad for the “3 Worst Prostate Foods” translucently floats in, it’s no longer cool.
Oh You Think Shopping Is SOOOO Easy!!!
Oh sure! Just use a basket.
And then what!? Do I walk through the store and, what, just pull things off the shelf and put them in the basket?! And then, when I think I’ve had enough … what?? … I just make my way out of the store!?! And show someone what I picked out!? And they’re going to let me walk the hell out of there and all I have to do is pay for it!!?? Yeah right … SOOO EASY!!
Put these signs up all over the place and think we’re gonna just get sucked right into it. Nope! Not me!
I want difficult shopping! Impossibly complex, painful shopping! No signs telling me what to do. I want to wander aimlessly on my hands and knees, crawling around unable to see a thing, bumping into people’s legs, having heavy cans fall off the shelf onto my head and wind up unconscious and carried out of the store by security. Now THAT’S SHOPPING!!
DON’T BELIEVE THE SIGNS IN STORES PEOPLE!!!!
I Haven’t Even READ This Email And I’m Mad…
Email Marketing Madness Rule #214: Don’t make your subject too cute or you could be ridiculed for its cuteness.
Without naming names, you can see it came from a company’s “Talent Acquisition” Team. I still don’t get what they’re smiling about.
I Wonder If The Legal Department Questioned This
I think if a pet store tried to mess with “My anaconda don’t want none … ” they’d get in trouble.
This has the same feel of lawsuit-waiting-to-happen like this marketing madness from Argo Tea.
Because JMZNY 4S 38FPTE YEAH YEAH TECH STUFF
It’s almost like a secret coded message to the IT business people out there. That is … if they have their special decoder rings.
Study it carefully, and see how the C3 people are trying to get some Magic Microsoft and Adobe tech dust rubbing off on them. Nice try C3.
Become a Patron!
Vitamins, Shmitavins! Highlight The Exotic Ingredient
Roman can only make so much money as yet-another-joint-delivering-Viagra-to-your-door, so why not vitamins? BUT, vitamins are so … A, B, B12, C. And if they list out the ingredients that’s just not as cool with the slick graphics and photos.
Why don’t we list this one really exotic ingredient that does who-the-hell-knows what as the very last one … BOOM!
They’ll buy it! Who wouldn’t?
How ‘Bout A Sandwich? An Order? A Menu? A Responsibility???
Corporations want us to know they care. They want us to know SO badly, it’s mixed up with whatever the hell else they’re selling. The navigation on the Subway website (they make sandwiches, remember) smears the borders with a main nav item for “Responsibility”
(those arrows are mine)
“Paging Admiral Lady Rabbi!!”
When you need to collect more than just the boring demographics of Mr. or Mrs. … this is the dropdown for you!
Comedy Rule Of Threes
The Advertising Will Make You Throw Up
It’s the comedy rule of threes. If you have 2 statements, you need that third to make it funny.
Enticing, Mouth-Watering Words For A Restaurant Website
Restaurants Are BACK!! And what better way to emphasize that than to include links on your website like “Scratch Kitchen,” “Whole Homemade Desserts,” “40 Craft Beers,” and “COVID MITIGATION”
…and why not further hook those hungry customers so when they click on “COVID MITIGATION” they see more gustatory verbiage, like “Virus Vaporizing”
