The window display of the Loft store at one of the most prominent locations on planet earth, 42nd and Broadway, should make a strong impression.
But what is this? It looks … hmm … can’t really see much on display here.
Well now wait a second, there is SOMETHING.
Yes it’s a Windows Error in the Window.
Somehow, the message doesn’t seem that positive to me. 21 days … and I have to use your product?? Can I just buy it without saying I’m using it?
Obviously, “slide” is such a much cooler word than “clump and seal” so why not highlight it??
A large conference room with COPYWRITERS 1, 2, 3 and 4 and the BOSS, an all-too-typical balding white guy in his 40s, chewing on pistachios. On the table are a whole lot of colored circular sponges with holes in them.
We WILL NOT be just be another spongey cleaning product!? Yeah there’s a smiley face on it but, so what? This calls for a gimmick. Some kinda name, I wanna personalize it.
Nahh … misogynist
What?! Sounds too much like Butt Wipe
Sounds like some old friend who comes by asking for money!
COPYWRITER 4 (the good copywriter)
What about something cute, like Mommy, Daddy. Scrub Mommy, Scrub Daddy…?
NOW YOU’RE TALKIN’!! Why can’t the rest of you be like Copywriter 4 who always nails it!?
And so, Children of Scrub Mommy and Daddy … that’s the story of how your parents came to be. Now, lights out and sweet dreams……
The world may be in terrible shape.
Covid has altered the globe.
The Middle East is a mess.
Our system of democracy is teetering.
But the Oreo Aisle (formerly the “Cookies and Crackers Aisle”) is a Reason To Celebrate.
And what better way to celebrate than Lady Gaga Oreos?
In case you were wondering what a Lady Gaga Oreo tastes like, there’s some subtle indications on the package.
Why of course! It’s inspired by … uh … is that a clump of pubic hair? What the hell is that saying. OH SURE! Gaga’s latest album or concert or cause or song or video or dress or cookie … Chromatica.
And what does Chromatica spelled with pubic hair taste like? Pink colored golden green creme stuff cookie thing crap. Say it with me now:
LADY GAG HURL!
From 2 competing direct-mail pieces doing the same damned thing arriving on the same damned day:
Okay, so Mosquito Hunter has a nice sorta Nigel Thornberry (Of the Wild Thornberry’s cartoon) vibe.
But, really, he’s kinda holding the mosquito like a pet.
Then again, he’s about to crush the bastard.
Why does the Mosquito have a sorta Dracula-ish helmet haircut thing goin?
Squad Guy is a little hipper and a more contemporary feel.
But then … are those … Man Boobs?
Prominent in the Squad piece is … dead bugs. Kinda dark huh?
Whereas the Hunter has a more positive, ethnically-diverse, animal-friendly feeling happening.
You know what though? They are both White Men carrying weapons. The whole thing is a disgrace and I don’t want to have anything to do with them.
Let the Mosquitos take over!
Here’s a brilliant idea! Sell people something they don’t need to buy and then remind them, they could be spending more on the thing they never needed to buy.
That’s right. Save money on money that is cheaper than the money you would normally buy when you buy money from the place that sells you money.
That is SO money!!
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I can’t run advertising on a website that makes fun of advertising.
Not because the advertisers wouldn’t like it. They could care less.
I wouldn’t like it. YOU wouldn’t like it.
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But I need to promote this. As everyone knows, in order to promote something…
- You need to tell people about it
- Then you need to remind those people that you told them about it
- And then you need to ask those people to tell other people about it
- And then you need to remind those people to tell other people about it and on and on and ON until you piss off everybody but somebody still visits your site.
I hate that because it works.
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As I noted in my additional comment on this Instagram post, if you ask “why?” it’s because it was a Pre-Covid Big Budget Blockbuster which cost HBO Max parent Warner Brothers $978 million to make and should have raked in $37 billion had it only been released in theaters but it wasn’t so they’re basically saying,
“Can you watch this again so we can feel like our email campaign has some effect and maybe we win a few dozen subscribers for $9.99 a month … pretty please?”
btw, support me on Patreon because this is a lotta work this Museum thing:
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Instagram messed up my carefully crafted image so here’s the thing in All Its Annotated Glory:
I can just hear the ideas bouncing around the JellyBelly conference room:
“We are getting killed … KILLED … by Swedish Fish!”
“Quick! Another animal. From another place.”
“Now you’re talking!!”
And Children, THAT’S the true story of how Scottie Dogs came to be!!