Show Me The Suet

When I go into a bird feed store, I expect, nay DEMAND, 5 (FIVE!) different kinds of hot pepper suet.

Hotcha chah chah

Not 4, not 3 … don’t even waste my time with 1 or 2.

 

Extra Copy Means Extra Madness

Expect the stretch to stretch your belief in copywriters

That “Expect The Stretch” is what I call “Stretch copy” (yeah I just made that up)

Creative Director doesn’t like the blank space and wants something else there, even if it adds no value or make any sense whatsoever. And the poor copywriter has to come up with some word play, some double entendre … ANYthing to fill that space.

And, Children, that is how Expect The Stretch wound up on the box for the Super Stretch Spider Web Halloween Packaging. Good night! Drive safely!

Inside This Tiny Mobile Banner Is A Story…

… except nobody knows WTF the story is about.

fall out of the roller coaster and be caught by the guy in the

 

 

I think the story is:
Don’t worry about falling out of the roller coaster that is the stock market because the guy much smaller than you in the cherry picker you will try to catch you.
And he has a hard hat on and a yellow vest so that will help when he tries to catch you.
I think.

Will The Stock Photographer On LSD Please Stop Shooting

Brain Gumball What The Fucking Fuck

No I mean it. In the nicest way, stop.

This raises a LOT of questions, including:

  1. What makes you think this connotes learning or intelligence.
  2. Where did you find small colored brains to fit into a gumball machine?
  3. Do you realize you are reducing brain power and knowledge to the simplicity of putting a quarter in a slot and turning a crank??
  4. After I put the coin in and turn the crank does this mean I can then use that brain or has it been severed from its original host and is now just a mass of neurons and with no awareness or functional capability??

I guess I should mention this was taken from my day job’s company’s website for internal training. That is why a lotta stuff is redacted. But you can see who is responsible for this mess. Yeah, those people!

When Your World Is Reduced To A Glass Ball

Marketing Madness sometimes happens when an agency has a copy concept or a visual idea but they just don’t have both at the same time.

What to  do?

The World Is A Globe Of CBD

You just mash ’em together and h0pe for the best!

What the hell?! The person reading this is a fucking wreck, needs something to calm down and isn’t gonna care whether the visuals match the copy or vice versa.

So what if it’s a sunny day at the beach and you have a hand model with some funky jewelry holding a globe?? Make the words “upside down” upside down!

Like A Little Kid With A Magnifying Glass Burning Ants

But is she gonna get seared where the globe has focused the sun?

Every Lip Balm Sends A Message

I did an entry about a “Lip Balm Tub” which struck me as just the right combination of one syllable words with the letter “P” or “B” in it to make fun of.

Recently, I found even more examples of this marketing madness and it’s madness: Who knew that putting your brand on something for chapped lips could change the world as we know it. My favorites:

THE TIN!!

 

Lanyard Lip Balm

THE LANYARD!!

 

Lippy Carabiner

THE CARABINER!!

 

BALM BALLS LIPS

THE BALLS!!!

 

THE VARIETY!!

 

THE ENTIRE COLLECTION

(from Totally Promotional dotcom)

As the great advertiser David Ogilvy once said:

Market to chapped lips and your brand will shine.

If you want to reach back to the origins of this, link below.

The original Lip Balm Tub marketing madness

 

Sometimes Marketing Madness Gets Papered Over By Social Distancing

They could have made a sign big enough to cover up the elevator ad in this hotel promoting their meeting spaces.

Elevator Bank 1 Elevator Bank 2 Elevator Bank 3

But, ahh, it’s a Global Pandemic! Just don’t kill each other okay?? We can meet in a conference room later.

And if you read the signs carefully through elevator banks 1, 2 and 3 you can see that they are talking about “Meeting in style in the heart of the Main Line.” Oh yeah that…