catalog – The Museum Of Marketing Madness

Every Lip Balm Sends A Message

I did an entry about a “Lip Balm Tub” which struck me as just the right combination of one syllable words with the letter “P” or “B” in it to make fun of.

Recently, I found even more examples of this marketing madness and it’s madness: Who knew that putting your brand on something for chapped lips could change the world as we know it. My favorites:

THE TIN!!

Lanyard Lip Balm

THE LANYARD!!

Lippy Carabiner

THE CARABINER!!

BALM BALLS LIPS

THE BALLS!!!

THE VARIETY!!

THE ENTIRE COLLECTION

(from Totally Promotional dotcom)

As the great advertiser David Ogilvy once said:

Market to chapped lips and your brand will shine.

If you want to reach back to the origins of this, link below.

The original Lip Balm Tub marketing madness

Skymall Body Shaming Page, Part 2

Maybe they were saving money on modeling fees and just went to the local morgue?

It's okay, this model is dead

For those following along, this is Part 2. For Part 1, go here

Actual Dialogue From Catalogue Photo Shoot

This was actual dialogue recorded from the photoshoot for the 2011 Spring/Summer Uline catalogue photoshoot:

This is a model beaver

Fred: “Find somethin’ heavy to put in front of the wood crates. This is goin’ on the cover.”

Phil: “Huh? Ahh…throw a cinder block in there!”

Fred: “Cinder block!? Find something nice!”

Phil: “Nice?! Who cares!! Just put anything there!”

Fred: “Hey what about this beaver!!”

Phil: “BEAVER?!”

Fred: “You said, ‘Anything!!'”

Dude, Where’s My Paper?

From Bill & Ted’s Excellent Catalog of Office Supplies

Never Be Intimidated By Hard Hat-Wearing Employees Again!

Make them wear this frilly, little hard hat liner and emasculate the hell out of ’em! The Hardliner will also minimize the impact of macho traits such as tattoos, standing with arms folded and chewing on toothpicks.

Skymall Body Shaming Page, Part 1

For this page of the Skymall catalog, the editors figured:
“Let’s put all these together…just get ’em out of the way. They’re all kind of related, right?”

skymall_body_humiliation

For another example of Sky Mall Body Shaming, go here.

Big Day For Box Of Rags

I’m thinking the generic Box of Rags people consider this a major coup. Scott® with all their supposed marketing might gets bumped down the page, “Rags in a Box” product overshadowed by the sheer mass of Boxes of Rags

I can just hear the Box of Rags sales guy exclaiming to his boss:

Fred! Are ya sitting down!? Just got off the phone with the catalog people. We got a full spread, top third of the page. Above Scott!! BOOYAH!!!