Author: lrsachs

SUPPORT THE MUSEUM OF MARKETING MADNESS

I can’t run advertising on a website that makes fun of advertising.

Not because the advertisers wouldn’t like it. They could care less.

I wouldn’t like it. YOU wouldn’t like it. 

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But I need to promote this. As everyone knows, in order to promote something…

    • You need to tell people about it
    • Then you need to remind those people that you told them about it
    • And then you need to ask those people to tell other people about it
    • And then you need to remind those people to tell other people about it and on and on and ON until you piss off everybody but somebody still visits your site.

I hate that because it works.

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SUPPORT THE MUSEUM OF MARKETING MADNESS

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WTF Wonder Woman WW84 WB??!

 

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A post shared by lee (@madnessmuseum)

As I noted in my additional comment on this Instagram post, if you ask “why?” it’s because it was a Pre-Covid Big Budget Blockbuster which cost HBO Max parent Warner Brothers $978 million to make and should have raked in $37 billion had it only been released in theaters but it wasn’t so they’re basically saying,

“Can you watch this again so we can feel like our email campaign has some effect and maybe we win a few dozen subscribers for $9.99 a month … pretty please?”

btw, support me on Patreon because this is a lotta work this Museum thing:

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Instagram messed up my carefully crafted image so here’s the thing in All Its Annotated Glory:

Wonder WTF Woman!?!

Can’t Wait For Albanian Eels Next!

Kids dare each other to lick to dog!I can just hear the ideas bouncing around the JellyBelly conference room:

“We are getting killed … KILLED … by Swedish Fish!”

“Quick! Another animal. From another place.”

“Tallahasee Pigs?”

“Nah!”

“Siberian Buffalo?”

“What?!”

“Scottie Dogs”

“Now you’re talking!!”

And Children, THAT’S the true story of how Scottie Dogs came to be!!

 

Manikins Are Not People … Nor Should They Ever Be Treated As Such

I spotted these manikins a few years back and thought: “What the hell? Half-headed, white stylized human figures … something’s not right!” If only I could make a joke out of it.

But then I spotted these creatures …

Real Live, Old School, Childhood Nightmare Manikins and realized ….

“OHH!! The half-headed manikins are weird. But plain, old manikins are absolutely horrifying!”

Look Over Here! It’s An Ad For Kah Chof Kah Fie Seh!!

Kah Chok Fee Ess
Let’s review:

  1. OKAY: Everybody’s attention is sliced into so much click bait and streaming media nobody has attention anymore and — oh look shiny objects … what was I saying? Oh yeah, advertisers go hard for eyeballs! “TV! Websites! Celebrities! What about … COFFEE SLEEVES? We can grab ’em there!”
  2. BUT: Y’know, coffee makes a horrible stain. How do you clean stains? Detergent! But how to make people buy detergent when they’re drinking coffee … and you are NOT allowed to put detergent in their coffee…hmm? How about … we put something on the coffee cup or something.
  3. AND: Detergent ads: so Old Skool Mad Men. We be cool and hip and do a logo and a website and a rhyme ya “Stain Brain” you, and a gimmick and copy and design and everybody get busy and create! We have awards to win!!
  4. GO: Make up words. Or play with words. More! MORE!! Letters!! HURRY … campaign … not much time … Coffee Sleeves to printer, run of 87 million!
  5. PLUS: Gimme some tagline for this all. How about: “Style is an option. Clean is not”
  6. stain brain drain pain
  7. WAIT: WTF?! Is style an option? Is clean not an option? Why is clean not an option? Could style not be an option? Does you brain have a stain on it trying to reason this through? Hang on … we are not done! Say this out loud with me:

KAH-CHOF-KAH-FIE-SEH!!!

HOORAY!!! Advertising Sells Everything!

Those Smart Domain Squatters Know How To Monetize It, I Tell Ya!

The internet, as we all know, is a license to print money. Look what THIS genius did who owns the domain www.nysiloam.com.

Raking it in selling Boy Suit black tuxedo 5pcs with free Shirt and tie!

This URL is a gold mine. For Boys In Suits

All because people stumble in looking for, umm … how did I get here? I think I was looking for “loam.”

But now I want a boy’s suit and tie shirt black tuxedo 5 pieces of something click for more information tie jacket boy haircut might be missing his right arm spikey hair suit. Must have….

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Contextual Advertising At Its Best

A little old but worth a laugh. One of those fan sites supported by advertising, in this case, QuiBids (another web business of questionable practicality) buys ad space wherever the hell and … lo and behold … with the word “mix” on the site then there’s just a chance someone might be thinking:

“I need a mixer for that cake. Because Drake likes cake. He likes to bake. And take a flake …”  Drake Cake Mix

Oh fuck the cake and Drake and the mixer and elixir and … and ……