Enticing, Mouth-Watering Words For A Restaurant Website

Restaurants Are BACK!! And what better way to emphasize that than to include links on your website like “Scratch Kitchen,” “Whole Homemade Desserts,” “40 Craft Beers,” and “Covid Mitigation”

Covid Cheese and Crackers

…and why not further hook those hungry customers so when they click on “Covid Mitigation” they see more gustatory verbiage, like “Virus Vaporizing”

Virus Vaporizing For Dinner

Beyond The Bed And The Bath Is … The Home

So the Big Box Bed Bath & Beyond isn’t really a store after Covid because retail is dead and we’re all stuck at home. How will they spin that and make us feel better?

Home Bath Bed Head Beyond Dead

Easy!

  • Home, happier
  • Shop, lazily
  • Deliver, immediately

The Big Box Stores are now warehouses for our stuff. Happier?

Actual Dialogue From Catalogue Photo Shoot

This was actual dialogue recorded from the photoshoot for the 2011 Spring/Summer Uline catalogue photoshoot:

This is a model beaver

Fred: “Find somethin’ heavy to put in front of the  wood crates. This is goin’ on the cover.”

Phil: “Huh?  Ahh…throw a cinder block in there!”

Fred: “Cinder block!?  Find something nice!”

Phil: “Nice?!  Who cares!!  Just put anything there!”

Fred: “Hey what about this beaver!!”

Phil: “BEAVER?!”  

Fred: “You said, ‘Anything!!'”

 

All Things Stupidy

Wordplay is not a game and should only be done by professionals. This contractor may know his basements but hasn’t learned: you can’t create an adjective by adding a ‘y.’

NOTHING is ‘basementy’ so all things canNOT be basementy.

And, btw, dude. The umbrella. Not basementy in the least. Srsly?!

This Is Just Sad

Everybody knows sales drop off the closer you get to the freight elevator.

The Manager had to find a place to shove the Deer Park water bottles they were pushing. Knowing this was not a good spot he asked one of the stock boys to make a simple sign, nothing fancy. Good signage is the mark of smart marketing.

And there it is.

And the stuff just flew off the shelves. Flew.

Did Anybody Ask Nature What SHE Thinks?

 

Well I talked to Nature and she said:

“I would never drink soda! I can drink ANY mineral water since I created it! At the end of a long day, however, I do love a fine glass of Chevalier-Montrachet La Cabotte Chardonnay.

“Sierra Mist?? I friggin’ created the real mist IN the Sierras!! There’s no sugar in that! In fact, smartypants, the Sierras are not known for mist as the air rarely gets oversaturated with moisture. Just sayin'”