Why Copywriters Should Never Do Math

Stick with the words copy peoples! I’m trying to resolve this equation and it’s just not coming out.

Chobani Transform

Do I add the Immune Health + Digestive Health + Gut Health and get Immune Digestive Gut over 3Health?


Add Peach Blended Yogurt + Immune Digestive Gut divided by 3Health or am I dividing the Immune Digestive Gut 3 Health INTO the Peach Blended Yogurt?

And isn’t Peach Blended Yogurt a set whose members are Immune Digestive Gut 3Health? I may be overthinking this one but clearly the copywriter was not thinking.

We Promise We Will Land At An Airport

From the Museum of Marketing Madness Archives, I know they merged back in 2012 with United. But even before the merger, and things were sloppy, this is just sad.


Our commitment remains the same: When you fly in our planes, you will land. You might land in the wrong airport. You might crash.

But you will land.



Just Repeat, Repeat

From the Copywriting School of Repetition, another example of ridiculous repetition for the sake of repetition, repetition.

We see this so often, it seems normal. It’s not normal.

It’s not even normal, normal.

Let Us Pray … and Play … Squash and Ski and Hike

Purchasing a friend’s book: What Was Lost: Seeing Refuge In The Psalms (for my 91 year old mother no less), Amazon knows exactly what I might want to purchase next.

It’s SO obvious, in fact, I’m kinda pissed because I have to go back and add the Tecnifibre Carboflex Squash Racquet and Oakley Flight Deck XM Ski Goggles to that purchase for my mother.

Damn you Amazon Continue Shopping Algorithm!!

Photos, Circuit boards, Pest control

I get it. You put some software-as-a-service on the web and you’ll make some money off the advertising, helping people convert their SVGs to PNGs. That explains the ad for the “My Heritage” site and the Abacus Technologies, white glove circuit board thing. But, pest control. I mean, yeah computers have ‘bugs’ but srsly??